Happy New Year! 🥂🍾🥂

I never set any New Year resolutions … what I’ve started doing, especially since my stroke is I switch it round and rather than setting goals, I reflect and remember what I’ve achieved over the past year.

I think since the pandemic it’s very easy to be in a head space where it’s easy to say “I’ve not done much/anything this year!”. But when we look back and really look at what we’ve done, what’s happened and what we’ve achieved/accomplished and where we were a year before, we realise how much we’ve gained in so many different ways and in so many different aspects of our lives! After a traumatic experience, whatever we may have gone through, I think it’s important to re-evaluate and learn from what’s happened … It’s hard, you may have changed as a person and that may be difficult to overcome, but in learning to go with that change & to give ourselves a pat on the back for any successes whether they’re big or small, it can make us feel so much more positive about what’s to come and be much more grateful. We take so much for granted but we should be/learn to be proud of ourselves. It shouldn’t be seen as ‘big-headed’ to say “I’ve done really well today”, or “I’m good at my job”, and we shouldn’t feel silly for giving ourselves credit for getting through something or overcoming something even if it’s a small thing like managing a shift and social plans in one day. In the great scheme of things, that small thing we may have managed to do that day might be a huge step for us and a small step towards a bigger goal.

Success, achievements and things to be grateful for can be measured in so many ways and I think it’s important not to overlook the small things because as I mentioned above, there is so much we take for granted. Sometimes we just need a different perspective…

Some smaller things for me in 2021 were spending time with the people who are important to me & enjoy my time with and feel good afterwards. I may not have seen them that many times, but when I did it was more special and significant. This time last year, I had the time to enjoy the lockdown snow we had and LOTS of walks. In lockdown, I felt more focus on doing exercise whether it was a run, walk or pilates via Zoom. I’m learning to feel more comfortable rather than guilty with putting myself first and making choices which are better for me – this is a work in progress – but it’s getting easier. I miss going abroad but we enjoyed 2 weeks in Cornwall and Devon and a few other short trips in the motor home – so grateful we have the van as it’s so easy to get away for a couple of days. I started going to the Master Swim class at work … I can swim and I’m a good swimmer, but my confidence was stopping me, so actually getting there was quite hard to overcome the self doubt. Actually this could be a big step or small. I guess some probably overlap…. as for anyone else just waking up and getting through the day might be amazing for someone. In relation to stroke survivors reading this or anyone else who may be struggling… if you’ve managed to get dressed, if you’ve done a few steps, it you’ve managed a conversation, if you’ve had a shower, been able to make food or a drink for yourself – ALL ACHIEVEMENTS AND SUCCESSES FOR THE DAY 🙌🙌🙌 And all things to be proud of because it might be the first time you’ve managed any of those things 😊.

My more significant achievements in 2021…

2021 started nearly 1 year post stroke, with me in a new position at work as Gym Supervisor (Achievement 1). I was still getting used to being at work, still recovering, still trying to find a balance, still really trying to piece together what had happened a year earlier! Unfortunately, we then had to close our doors again … I’m not going to lie, as much as it filled me with dread and made me anxious, I also felt like I needed a rest again.

Over lockdown I signed up to do my Level 3 Pilates Teacher training course. I wasn’t sure how long it would take me but am happy to say I passed in October 😊 (Achievement 2).

On returning to work in March after lockdown, I realised I was finding the new role too much, especially after only being back at work around 2 months at my hours pre stroke and after much debating and too-ing and fro-ing, I made a decision to put my physical and mental health first and asked to change role. I stepped down from a supervisor position and am on reception again now – this may be deemed by some as an easy way out or as not being able to cope but I see it as choosing to put myself first and quite a brave decision and choosing something which makes me happier. Why force ourselves to do something which is causing stress? (Achievement 3 – listening to myself more and having confidence to go with it).

In 2021, I have continued to raise awareness of stroke, stroke in young people, the recovery process, prevention of stroke and life after stroke. I have continued to build relationships with stroke charities and other stroke survivors online and have been humbled enough to meet two fellow survivors in person in 2021. Following on from this, I organised my second event at work for World Stroke Day at the end of October where we successfully raised just over £2000 for the charity, A Stroke of Luck, by holding a bake sale and a 12 hr run/walkathon with around 50-60 members, staff, friends and family taking part (Achievement 4).

For this event I went on to win Team Member of the Month 🥳🥂
(Achievement 5)… I won this award in 2018 and won Team Member of the Year 2018 as well … for me to return to work post-stroke and still get recognition from my colleagues to win TMOTM meant a huge deal to me. It just gave me a little bit more confidence that I’m still doing ok, I’m doing a good job even though I’ve had to change role as well.

Other bigger achievements for me, more post stroke were;

• Driving further than I have done since my stroke (with my partner) – another work in progress
• I managed a meal out one night in a very busy restaurant. After about 2 hrs I was feeling the tiredness, I found the sensory stuff hard (music, other conversations, the noise in general, the socialising with people I was with) – but I got through it.
• I learned when I needed a rest – most days I feel tired but can get through and then I might feel quite good so I feel I can do more … however I’ve then hit a wall and become run down & had to take 2 days off work to rest after my World Stroke Day event – but the achievement is that I recognised I needed to stop.
• I went to the work Christmas Party – this caused me to feel quite a lot of anxiety. A year before, I wouldn’t have gone – so at least I went, but I’m not the outgoing person at an event like that, that I was. I sat in the same place, felt self-conscious, only stayed 2 hrs and only spoke to about 5 people if they sat near me. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it as much as I used to enjoy something like that & although the party was fine, it made me realise that this is something that may have changed for me. I would try again but I’ve accepted this may have changed.

Recap…

Writing this post, I feel grateful, humbled and proud of everything I’ve achieved … even more so to be physically/mentally able to make all this happen & make these decisions after the shock of such a traumatic experience. I feel so lucky to be in a position where fast treatment has enabled me to have these choices, oppotunities and options post stroke and that I have the support I do in my life.

To all my fellow stroke survivors or anyone else who may need to hear it, there’s always something to be grateful for … even if you have to look harder to see it. It might even just be that you’ve woken up and gotten through the day, even if it’s been hard – YOU’VE DONE IT! It might be that you’ve managed to do more in a day than you could a month ago, or a year ago, you might have done something, let’s say been out for a meal in a restaurant, which you would never even have thought about a year ago and gotten through it (and hopefully enjoyed it even if it might have been hard at times).

I’ve found sometimes that I panic and feel anxious about certain situations but it’s the thought of doing it rather than doing it. I’ve also found that if you have a gut feeling something isn’t right anymore then make a change, even if it’s difficult, once you get over that hill you will start feeling better and lastly, surround yourself with people who praise you for your achievements no matter how small they are and your choices! 🦋

So here’s to whatever 2022 has in store! Celebrate your successes and be proud of yourself 🦋🦋🦋