Been a while since I last wrote… and the last 2 months of the year didn’t go too smoothly and were a bit bumpy …

The last blog I did was World Stroke Day and a week later we went into lockdown. I was lucky enough to work some hrs during November, I got back on track with more exercise again and I also did a 10 day detox which some friends run a few times a year to get back on track a bit with my eating, so it didn’t feel too bad.

I thought a stroke in January and going through a global pandemic might have been enough for 2020 to throw at me, however, just before November lockdown in England, some of us at work were told of plans for a restructure within the business and that some of our jobs were at risk.

Another hurdle to overcome and get through …

This was the first time in my life where the security of a job wasn’t in my hands. It felt stressful, sad, upsetting, tiring, worrying, I didn’t want the team to change or people to leave or move on to different positions in the company and it was just unknown. Alongside these feelings, there were opportunities for me and others so although change was daunting, I was wishing my colleagues the best. There was a 4 week process to go through.

My job in membership was being made redundant in club and was being changed to an ‘at home’ role which would be based centrally. I didn’t like the thought of working from home … although it would have been the easiest option for me after everything else in 2020, but I wanted to stay in club so I looked at some positions they’d made within the restructure.

I decided to apply for Membership Administrator (even though I worked in membership, I had to reapply), Gym Supervisor and Group Exercise Supervisor.

We had interviews and knew the business wanted to redeploy as many people as they could but I nervous about the interviews, I was anxious after the interviews and I was dreading the call about whether I’d been successful and which position it was for. I worried that I might be looking for a new job. I didn’t feel confident, seems to be a trend since my stroke that I doubt myself.

As it turns out, I am pleased to say I was offered the membership role if I wanted it and also the Gym Supervisor position. 😊

Thinking about it all now, work was a safe place for me to return to after my stroke. I knew the team, I knew they supported me and I also knew that the members, who always have supported me, would support me. I didn’t want to consider an alternative if I’m really honest and I also didn’t want to consider anyone leaving who have provided support to me through and after the stroke and over the last 3 years at DL and longer when it was the previous gym.

So … I’d gotten through the interviews and I took the Gym Supervisor position. I started in December when we had reopened after lockdown. For the last 3 weeks, I put all my energy into the job. It was a great feeling to be with the members again, although I would say I was a bit nervous being in the gym with covid around and I also found the change tiring which I expected with being on my feet and I think from being more face to face with the members, but I was enjoying it which is the main thing 😊

New Year’s Eve we moved from Tier 2 to Tier 3 meaning more changes at work to adhere to government covid guidelines and as soon as it felt like we were getting somewhere, on 4th January a national lockdown was announced and we are closed again.

How am I a year on?

It’s still very surreal that it actually happened to me. I think that’s the only word to describe it. I sometimes still don’t believe it. It still scares me. I do have times where I worry about the future and whether it will happen again even though I know that the risk is very low.

I still get tired but this has improved and I can get through days and work etc and I still do find some situations emotional. These two things may get better with time or may not so I just take it as it comes. Being emotional is usually worse if I’m tired.

I’m back at work, which I’m finding a bit bumpy with lockdown. I don’t feel like I’ve had a long enough stint of my 28 hrs to see how I actually feel. Since my change of role I have been more tired but it’s manageable. I just wish I’d had longer than 3 weeks so far lol

I’m on medication for life, Clopidogrel which is a blood thinner which has just become normal to take every day.

I can exercise, I run, I can swim, I go for walks, I do Pilates although maybe careful with a few things and I do a bit of yoga. It isn’t what I used to do and I’ve been advised not to do weights longterm, but that really doesn’t matter.

All in all I’m positive, I’ve achieved a lot in the last year and am proud of everything I’ve come through and managed to do. 😊 Happy Stroke Survivor Day to me!!! 🥰🥰🥰

Reflecting on 2020

December is a time a lot of people reflect on the year they’ve had.

2020 hasn’t been the best year for a lot of people, let’s face it, it’s been horrific in a number of ways and among things that may have happened anyway, it’s been due to Covid-19. Many have lost friends/family, gone through redundancy, struggled financially, suffered with stress or other mental health issues and the biggest affect being the fact that we’ve had much less freedom to do what we can/want, and this has been all over the world – no-one could escape! Everyone has been affected in different ways and no two people will have the same story. There have been big changes for people and we shouldn’t judge each other as we can’t put ourselves in that person’s shoes.

My question to myself and to maybe get others thinking is … how should we feel about 2020? How/what should we remember? Can we change our perception of a “bad year”?

Perception…

noun

1. The ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses.”the normal limits to human perception”
2. The way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.

The second is what I’m going to touch on …

The two images above are very black and white and I’m certain that 2020 could be a mixture and will have had lots of ups and downs, but it depends what and how we see things … and perception is different for every individual.

Here’s one way I could look at and remember 2020;

It was crap … I wasn’t well, I had a stroke, there was a global pandemic and I went through a restructure at work where my job was at risk – it’s a lot to throw at someone. I could be angry, disappointed, disheartened, I feel like even though a year has passed, I haven’t achieved much … but that would just make me miserable and negative about everything.

Here’s another way I could look at it and some things I am thankful for each month of last year amongst the chaos which help me to grateful, see silver lining and keeps me positive;

January 2020

I had a stroke … probably the biggest, most unexpected thing that’s ever happened to me. My life was at risk and I may or may not have been ok. But I survived it and am thankful for my colleagues & members at work who knew there was something wrong, NHS staff who saved my life, supported me and looked after me, and my family and friends and everyone else who supported me and helped me through it. You really realise how many people support you when something like this happens and I feel very fortunate.

February 2020

I was recovering at my parents. Taking things one day at a time. I was only allowed to walk, rest and do physio for my hand. I’m was lucky enough to be able to stay at my parents which I’ll be forever grateful for. Within about 4 weeks my hand felt back to normal. It really made me realise how lucky we are if we’re just able to move. Little things like washing/drying my hair, holding my phone, holding a fork, being able to hold a packet of cards or hold a book in my left hand were things I struggled with, even being able to go for a little walk which I built up to 30 minutes is amazing under the circumstances. A lot of stroke survivors can’t do these things and can have longterm disabilities so I try not to bw complacent about these things now. We’re so blessed if we can move and have full use of our limbs.

March 2020

I moved home after my 8 week follow up and just before lockdown. We’d had a new kitchen fitted so I came home to that and was back home with my partner. I managed to get out a few times for walks, one at a reservoir which was the longest walk I’d done at the time, we managed to eat out once/twice in the couple of weeks before lockdown. The good news in March was that the consultant was happy with me and I was recovering well and he told me I was very low risk of another stroke or dissection. I also started a blog and instagram page to write about my experience and hopefully help other survivors. 😊

April 2020

In April I started exercising more again. I was doing a couple of little runs a week, I started pilates at home and I celebrated my 38th birthday. Not much to say about this other than that I could do these things.

May 2020

During May as part of Stroke Awareness month, I took part in the 2.6 challenge to raise awareness of stroke, and more importantly stroke in young people and raise money for 3 different charities, Different Strokes, Stroke Association and Leeds Cares. I challenged myself to run 26 miles within the month and surpassed my expectation by also running 10k for the first time in years at the end of the challenge as I’d finished a week early. I raised around £400 for each charity.

June & July 2020

Being off work I took advantage of the weather. We had loads of bbq’s, enjoyed the weather in the garden, went for walks. Saw friends socially distanced for walks and outside (before anyone thinks otherwise) lol I’d had to extend my sick note 2 months as the gym still wasn’t open but it opened at the end of July. I’ve never had this much time off work and although I was recovering I was grateful for the time to relax properly and to be able to enjoy the nice weather we had and grateful for a garden at last.

August 2020

The month I returned to work. It was overwhelming and emotional but I’m thankful Occupational Therapy took my return seriously and didn’t just throw me back in. I did a slow phased return over 8 weeks. I’m grateful that I had a lot of support from my colleagues and the members at the gym. I’m lucky to have a job I enjoy going to and they were patient, understanding and supportive as a company.

We were also lucky enough to be able to go away in our motor home for a couple of short trips before I returned to work. After 3 months not really able to go anywhere because of Covid-19, this was great!

September 2020

Not much went on in September, but we were able to take a trip for 2 weeks in the motor home. We went to Wales for a weekend then 2 weeks in Cornwall. Just being there was great. We ran, did walks, watched sunsets, I tried body boarding, we relaxed, played cards and I read a couple of books (I read more books in 2020 than I have in years! Another thing to be grateful for!

October 2020

I was back up to 28 hrs in October. I was managing them 😊 but my biggest achievement this month was that I organised a Spin for Stroke event for World Stroke Day to raise money for Stroke Association. We did a 12 hr spinathon where members/staff booked slots to keep the bikes going for 12 hrs and then 8 people including myself cycled the distance between the furthest northern DL club and furthest southern DL club, 74 miles each. We raised a total of £2705 and the event was probably one of the best we’ve had at DL. To run an event is one thing, but to do it when I’d recently gone back to work and through a pandemic and raise the amount we did is insane!!! (Please note we were all socially distanced and outside whilst doing the event). It again showed how much support I had from friends, family, members and colleagues. It’s also worth noting that the money raised and the money I raised in May will go towards helping and supporting future stroke survivors and also research towards treatments as well which I’ve become very passionate about.

November 2020

This was the month of a second lockdown in England. I did feel a bit anxious after working so hard to build up my hrs that I was going to go down hill. Luckily for me, I was able to still work. I didn’t do many hrs, but it kept me going.

It was also the month we were told about the restructure. Obviously I was worried, stressed and anxious, like everyone was, but it gave me a new opportunity. I applied for Gym Supervisor which I was offered 😊.

December 2020

I started my new role this month. I also had a few days off and luckily we could go to the lakes for a few days which was a nice break before Christmas. Christmas was different this year, but I didn’t mind staying in, I wanted to be careful before seeing my parents and sister for Christmas Day so I just did my shifts. It might have been different but I still enjoyed December, Christmas and New Year.

Summary …

I know some people are glad to see the back of 2020 and probably have good reasons to. Some people may have had worse years than me and it may have affected them more. I’m not going to lie, it did affect me, even though some people said I wasn’t missing out on anything last year, I was because it held back my recovery. I miss hugs, I miss friends/family, I don’t enjoy wearing a mask, I don’t enjoy being off work, I miss holidays – but I’d take all that any day over my health being at risk or if I’d had a worse recovery from stroke. Some people think I’d be grateful to see the back of 2020, but I’ve learnt things about myself, I’m more self-aware, I feel I’ve made positive changes in my life, I try to see a positive, even if it’s a day chilling out because I’m furloughed and can’t do much because of covid, because to be fair, I am here to have a chilled day. If I find myself complaining, I try to change my mind-set. I’ll never take my recovery for granted and be complacent about the fact that I’ve been able to go on trips, go back to work, can exercise, am able to move fully and able to speak, read and write after my stroke … almost two thirds of stroke survivors leave hospital with a disability and there are over 1.2 million stroke survivors in the UK.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect … I can’t sit here and pretend I’m only ever positive, but I probably am a cup half full person … it’s not easy trying to see positives or be positive all the time and having loads of motivation, and I’m not and I don’t, I have times where I’m not, but trying is enough 😊

The Universe responds to your vibration. It will return whatever energy you put out.

Vex King Good Vibes Good Life

I read Good Vibes Good Life recently, I won’t say much in case anyone is reading it or wants to but I love the idea of the Law of Vibration in that whatever you put out into the Universe you’ll get back in a number of different ways.

Life’s short … don’t take it for granted.

Lockdown and Covid-19 are horrific for so many, but whatever our situation, if we look hard enough there is a positive, no matter how small it may be …

Rather than trying to control external events, concentrate on controlling how your mind responds to them. This gives you back your personal power and is the key to a happy life.

Vex King Good Vibes Good Life

I hope this blog gives anyone reading it some hope and can help you see some positives …

Again, thank you for reading if you do and for supporting my blog 🦋🌈🦋

Here are a few pics from my 2020 ...