Nervous, excited, giddy, anxious, apprehensive, overwhelmed, unsure …

These are some of the words to describe how I feel this morning, I’m sure there are plenty more I haven’t thought of. I suppose these are the same feelings when it’s the first time you do anything … any first day at work, going to uni, moving house, having a baby, getting married, etc I felt the same when I used to do dance performances and when I did the sky dive last year.

I went to bed early for a good night’s sleep but woke up about 1am and again around 5am and didn’t sleep much after that.

I think I’m looking forward to going back, I’m trying to change my thoughts to think about the positives.

I’ve written a list of positives and negatives about going back to work which I’ve done on my phone so I can look at them.

I might do a yoga flow to focus my mind but I don’t think I’ll be able to focus on it. I couldn’t sleep because I’m going back.

I am going to put one of my favourite necklaces on (a butterfly my friends got me for my 30th) and I have pictures on my phone of my family/friends and partner. (These are all things that the counsellor said can help me feel “safe” if I feel overwhelmed).

I’m working 10-2 … I know it’s only 4 hrs and I’m sure it’ll go well. Maybe sometimes as others have said it’s worse the not knowing what it’s going to be like than actually doing it.

I celebrated the end of my sick leave with my boyfriend last night to see it as a positive thing that it’s finished rather than a negative and am trying to close the door on that and look forward to building up my confidence at work and my hrs over my phased return.

I wanted to write this as a before and I’m also going to write one straight afterwards to see the differences in how I feel and also how it went.

I have a lot of support so I’m not worried about that.

For now I’m just going to allow myself to feel all these different feelings and hope that afterwards I feel more calm again…

Thanks for reading 🦋🙏🦋