24.1.2020

I hadn’t had any visitors when I was on the ward, other than my parents, sister and boyfriend. I didn’t know how long I was going to be there, plus I’d still been quite tired and emotional on and off so I didn’t want to have too much on and overdo it.

The previous night, however, I had a visit from two of my colleagues which was lovely and I surprisingly managed to keep it together. They brought me a card which the Heads of Department had signed, a colouring book and pencils and chocolate! I think it took about 3 or more weeks to eat the chocolate. I’d gone off it a bit since my stroke – not sure why – I don’t have that problem now 🙄. I was tired after they left but it was really nice to see a couple of familiar faces and I really appreciated them coming to see me.

I was walking around a little more now, able to go a little further by myself. I was getting up and had more of a routine. Opening my curtains, breakfast, shower, doing my physio exercises, walking a bit more regularly around the ward, lunch, dinner, visitors at visiting time, resting. Some of these might seem small, every day things, but it was important having the motivation to actually do them and I will never take for granted that I can.

Days went fairly quickly. I hadn’t had my phone for the week so that I could rest. Rob had replied to any necessary messages. He had also set up a few group messages to make it easier to let people know how I was. My parents were keeping family & work updated. It was quite nice to detox from having it. I also didn’t watch TV either. At night I was still having broken sleep, I was maybe awake every couple of hours.

I remember on that Friday I’d had my breakfast and one of the staff came in my room about 9am. I noticed the time and got quite teary realising that the first episode had happened exactly a week before and it was already a week later. It felt like a lifetime and like yesterday all at once.

I’d talked to a lot of staff about what had happened to me that day and they were so lovely and supportive and wanted to listen. They let me know it was okay to get upset. I think they also liked that they could have a decent conversation with me, sadly, some other patients couldn’t.

I had a shower with assistance again this morning. I think it was good for my routine and for repetition to use my left hand etc to do normal day to day things. Plus you just feel so much better after a shower! After 4 days now, I was pretty much able to shower and dress by myself. My left hand was still weak. I was still struggling with things like hold my phone in my left hand, turning pages, and I struggled with a fork to eat, but I managed. I didn’t want too much help, I think because after repeating things a number of times with my left hand, I hoped it would improve and get stronger.

The other thing that was apparent was that my left hand wouldn’t rest, it would shake. I think it started after I started doing my physio exercises. It was very strange. It was uncontrollable but with a bit of thought and concentration I could relax it. It did this for a week or so.

I was potentially going to have gone home on this day, only a week after my stroke. Slightly unbelievable! I felt apprehensive about this. It scared me to think I’d be leaving the sense of security on the ward with all the staff there. I felt sad at the thought I’d be leaving as well. Going home now depended on when I was going for the CT scan which the Leeds team had requested. To remind you, I’d had a bit of tissue break off that was still in my brain in a small vein. They’d spotted it a day after surgery but wanted to check if anything had changed. The OT, physio and doctor were happy with me to return home otherwise.

My doctor came to see me again today. She was authoritative in what she was saying. She encouraged me to walk around the ward more now. I think she thought I wasn’t doing so as every time she came in, I was on my bed. I felt like a naughty school girl not doing as I was told. But I had been walking round more and she’d just missed it 🤣 She suggested walking every hour, she was happy with my progress whilst assessing me again and explained she was going to try to get the CT scan for that day, to push it through, but the later it got the more unlikely it seemed. I had a sense of relief that I’d be staying a few more days.

The doctor did give me the option to go home and just come back for the scan but I said I’d rather be there in case something had been wrong.

25.1.2020

The Saturday was the first day the OT’s and physios weren’t in.

There were plenty of staff around so I asked if I could go for a shower. I said I should manage fine by myself now but I wanted them to know I was going for one incase I needed help. First time showering by myself was a great achievement.

I also had a couple of friends visit. We decided to go for a walk. Went went off the ward properly, I hadn’t done this yet. We walked out of the ward and down the stairs. I was okay on stairs but there were 4 flights. We then walked outside round to the front entrance and sat in the cafe area for 20 mins or so. Our friends then left and Rob was with me to walk back. The ward is quite far and I was quite tired now as it was the furthest I’d been. I then bumped into a couple who I knew. They were visiting a very sick friend and I explained why I was there. I was conscious it’s not the kind of thing you tell people and then walk off straight away but also aware that I needed to sit down or have a sleep.

Rob was with me for a little while after we got back to my room and when he’d left I slept for a good hr or so.

It made me realise that it had probably been too far that day with having visitors and conversation, explaining what had happened which was emotional and walking further than I had.

26.1.2020

On the Sunday I had a shower again. My parents and sis visited and I’d started doing some colouring in. I walked round the ward and I did my hand physio. I also went to the corridor to do the stairs again.

Thanks for reading …. 🌈🙏🌈